Monday October 27 2008 11:05 PM

I've started to get a new symptom. Starting about a week ago, every time I eat, I get a headache. I NEVER get headaches. I have been cursed with a horrible digestive system, but headaches God spared me from completely. They're not awful headaches, I'd say maybe like a 2 on the pain scale, but the fact that they're THERE is very significant for me. And it started out with just a headache after dinner. Now it's after anything I eat...even a pickle. It's hitting me at the back of the head and the front at the same time.

So this appointment with the famous endocrinologist couldn't come at a better time. Jim and I had to leave the house at 6:30 a.m. to make it up to White Plains for my 10:15 appointment. We got there about a half hour early. Quite a few interesting things came out of this.

Dr. Melville took over an hour with me going over my history, symptoms, current meds, etc. Then he did an exam. He took a tape measure and went around my middle. Ugh. I don't even want to say how wide I am. Well, okay...I'll admit it. We have no secrets here. My waist, with clothes on (so maybe it's not as bad without clothes) is 37 inches around. Yikes. I hide it pretty well, though, don't I? Then he does what my other doctors have done, and he mangles my neck checking my thyroid gland. The only difference is that he is checking in a totally different spot on my neck than what the others have done. The others have said that my thyroid is not enlarged. Dr. Melville says that it IS enlarged, not too much, but it is. He's gouging the center of my neck and I'm choking and say, "Ugh! What are you doing? The other doctors checked me like THIS," and I show him where they were checking. And he says, "Well, HERE is where your thyroid gland is. Most regular doctors won't do it correctly but an endocrinologist will..." and then I tell him, "Yeah, but two of the three doctors that checked my neck WERE endocrinologists." Dr. Melville was shocked. He was also surprised that I got the old "You Italians like to eat a lot of pasta" line from one of my doctors. He says, "That's awfully racist," and I said, "Yeah, it's the same as if I made the assumption that you could sing." Dr. Melville is black, by the way. So his final analysis of my situation? First, he wants to switch my thyroid medicine. Second, he thinks I'm insulin resistant, which is a precursor to becoming diabetic, so he'd like to nip it in the bud before it gets that far. I've got to schedule this two hour glucose vs. insulin test at my local Labcorp and come back to him in two weeks. What insulin resistance means is that my body can't use the insulin it's producing properly, which just triggers it to make more insulin, which winds up making me get fatter. And fatter. And fatter. Now, I had brought this up with Dr. McAndrew before and she had said that if I were becoming diabetic I would be losing weight and not gaining it. Dr. Melville said that's not true at all for type 2 diabetes. It is for type 1, but not type two. I swear, primary care physicians as so totally useless. The only thing they're good for is renewing your prescriptions you got from other doctors who knew their asses from their elbows.

Another interesting thing I've discovered today is that I probably never had acid reflux for the last 10 years like everyone else said I had. Acid reflux is supposed to be heartburn that never goes away. I have never had heartburn. I have no idea what it feels like, but I sure as hell have never felt any "burning" sensation in my throat or chest. All I ever said to my doctors was that it feels like there's a giant grapefruit high up in my chest, right under my neck. Then I'd go to the next doctor and he'd look at my records and say, "So you have heartburn?" and again I'd say, "No, it feels like a giant grapefruit in my chest." But all the doctors deemed it heartburn, however, all the standard reflux drugs never helped me. The only thing that brought any relief was a drug called Propulsid, which doesn't target acid, but motility. You can't get Propulsid anymore because it's been pulled from the market. When Dr. Melville pushed on my thyroid it re-created the grapefruit sensation, and I said, "That's it! That's it! That's the grapefruit! Right there!" And he set off an "attack" that lasted four hours. So the "grapefruit" was just my enlarged thyroid gland, and I've been suffering with it since 1997. Dr. Barb, my shrink, had said to me that before your thyroid gives out it will surge and wane, surge and wane, over and over, for YEARS, until you ever notice any symptoms. And he's right. Isn't it a damn shame the the one doctor I went to before who knew the most about the thyroid was my SHRINK?

Jim and I had Dr. Melville laughing all over the place. He's got a good sense of humor which you don't find too much in doctors. There was one incident where Jim noticed that there was a book on pheochromacytoma on the guy's bookshelf, so Jim said something about it, and I said, "But he doesn't have a book on carotid body paragangliomas..." Well, you should have seen Dr. Melville's face light up. It was like I offered a fifth of vodka to an alcoholic. "Oh...that's what your husband had?" All the doctors love running into Jim. It's like gnats being drawn to an outdoor light. So we had to talk about that for awhile. Then there was another incident when he was doing my exam...he starts checking my ankles, and I say, "No, I don't have any edema. I never did." (I've been checked enough times to know exactly what they're looking for). So that coupled with other terms I dropped during his probing of my history makes him joke with me about practicing medicine without a license. When I rattled off the term "carotid body paraganglioma" that was just the whipped cream on this guy's banana split.

So I'll schedule my test for sometime this week. Hopefully we're on to something now. At least I can say I get a good feeling about this guy. It's just a damn shame I had to travel all the way to White Plains to find someone who seems to have a brain. As we were leaving the office, Dr. Melville came out and said, "Call me if you start to feel really bad." And I said, "I've been feeling really bad for so long, what's a couple more weeks? Bad has become my new normal."

Sunday October 26 2008 12:30 PM

Jim had an appointment with Vanni this week but forgot about it. He rescheduled, but for AFTER November 1st, so that's not going to do us any good. Jim was going to call the office and ask if Vanni participates in our new dental insurance, but couldn't remember the name of the company. He could have always called me to ask, but no. I think that's just a man thing. This is probably why single men die before married men. They can't make their own doctor's appointments.

After my endo didn't change my meds or do anything for me about my drastic weight gain, I found another doctor. Now, this is kind of an interesting story and I'm hopeful about the outcome. Jim and I love to watch the show Mystery Diagnosis. To me it's like a quiz show...I guess about 25 percent of the diseases. I'll say something to Jim like "It's Marfan's Syndrome! Let's see if I'm right!" If you've never watched the show, they follow people's odysseys trying to find help for their ongoing health problems, and get jerked around by various doctors along the way, then finally, years later, get a correct diagnosis and get some help. I also like the show because it's a good laugh. I sit there talking to the t.v...."What an asshole!"...."How typical!"...."What ELSE is new!" I yell at the screen. So it's interactive fun for me. A few months ago there was a case of this poor woman who suffered for many years...I can't remember what her disease was...but she finally found an endocrinologist in White Plains NY who took the time necessary and helped her. She raved about how fabulous this guy was. Well, I wrote the guy's name down in case I couldn't get any help locally. Last week I called his office. I figured it would take months to get in, if I could get in at all, because you know how endocrinologist are! Well, his receptionist was an absolute doll on the phone, and I don't know if she felt sorry for me or what, but he can take me this Monday, so I'm am SO THERE! The guy only sees eight patients a day. Jim suggested I write out a timeline when all of symptoms started, so that's what I'm working on today. I was debating if I should bring Jim or not. One, I like driving long distances alone...I can blast my music without anyone rolling their eyes. Two, since Jim's had such an interesting medical journey, the doctors like talking about his issues and mine get pushed by the wayside (see Doctor Altimore). Three, maybe the guy will think I have Munchhausen sydrome and am just looking for attention, but people with Munchhausen are very ingratiating to the medical profession. I am anything BUT ingratiating to the medical profession...I am their adversary, but maybe this guy won't see that. But on the other side of the issue, maybe having Jim there to back up what I'm saying will be helpful. I'm kind of animated and sarcastic and some doctors think I'm a little crazy so Jim can at least lend credence to my plethora of complaints. So in the end I opted for Jim coming with me. The in-laws are coming to spend the night because we have to be out the house at the crack of dawn tomorrow. I'm a little anxious because I'm hoping this guy won't blow me off.