I didn't post yesterday because there's not a lot that's new, but Jim's making some babysteps of progress. He's done a couple of chores around the house...I got him to fix the toilet paper holder in our bathroom that's falling off the wall. Yeah, I could have done it myself but Jim needs something to do. He's been doing some of his excercises that the speech and swallow pathologist gave him. He complained last night of tingling on the right side of his face but that's good...it means the nerves are waking up. He cracked open the laptop and three hard drives that the guys sent home for him to work on...he's moving slowly, but he's getting something done. He still sleeps entirely too much. I don't know if that's the depression or the drugs or the fact that he's still not taking in enough calories or a combination of all three, but we had a long talk today. I told him, look...I can't get you in to the shrink until early May. Does it suck to have a PEG tube? Yes, it does. But you have to keep remembering that it's only temporary. Do you need anti-depressants? Yeah, I'm sure you do, but until I can get you in to see the doctor you just have to find a way to work through it.
We have to go back to Boston next week for his follow-up visits and to get these little post things out of his stomach that are holding the PEG tube in place....they only stay in two weeks then they have to be removed. I'm going to call my shrink at Lahey and see if she can see him on Wednesday while we're there. Jim's still snappy and ornery which are real tell-tale signs of depression, but I've just got to keep putting up with it. One day he'll thank me for hanging in. He just can't see it yet. He actually believed that he'd have just two or three therapy sessions and he'd be cured, so I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I had to go food shopping for the first time since we've been back because Jimmy and I still have to eat, although I'm not cooking much because what's the point? The kid doesn't eat a lot so it's really like cooking for myself. The shopping trip was a real downer for me because it just slapped me in the face that Jim can't eat. And the holiday is coming up but what's the point of us going anywhere or really doing anything? Holidays revolve around food. You can't put Jim at a table filled with food. That would just be torture. I've got a small ham here that my mother- in-law left in the pantry. I'm just going to glaze that and bake it for Jimmy and me and have a vegetable or a salad with it and call it a day. We did color Easter eggs today. Damn...hard boiled eggs in the fridge really stink. I told Jim, want to get over your craving for food? Smell the inside of the refrigerator.
He's still not up to six cans of liquid stuff a day. He says he gets a stomach ache from it. Tomorrow we're going to try supplementing his four or five cans with a little chicken boullion. It's liquid and maybe it won't bother his stomach as much. It will at least get a little more protein and water into him.
A couple of people have asked me how my heart thing is doing. Now that I'm on the beta blocker it's much better. The last few months my blood pressure had been all over the place...sometimes low, sometimes normal, sometimes high. Now my pulse is down to 80, my pressure's always normal, and the little "doodleoops" in the chest are almost gone. Not 100 percent, but almost. I've got a follow-up visit with Deborah Heart and Lung in early May. I'm never going to be able to undo the damage that was done from all those years of having a fast pulse, but at least I can stop it from getting worse. I never thought there was anything wrong with getting on the treadmill to work out and starting out with 120 bpm before you even move. Then I'd get it up to 190 or 200 and sustain that for an hour. Well, what did I know.
I hope everyone has a good Easter. Enjoy the chocolate bunnies and say and extra prayer that Jim gets to eat soon.
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