Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Wednesday April 4, 2007 9:21 PM

Okay, okay...I couldn't post yesterday because last night I just HAD to get my tax stuff together for my accountant, which thankfully went out to him today.

Jim's had two more therapy visits, and Beth says he's making great progress. It's very interesting how the therapy is done. The electrodes get strapped onto his neck and she turns up the "volume" until he can't stand it anymore. After about a minute he feels the muscles stretching, and then she cuts a tongue depressor in half on an angle so it forms a point on one end, and she pokes his palate with it. When he leaves therapy his voice is deeper and stonger, but that fades shortly thereafter. Today, though, I've noticed that it's stayed a little stronger. His voice is very "wet" if anyone understands that. Since he can't manage his own saliva, when he talks it sounds like he's talking under water, and he has to clear his throat all the time to be understood. Since his vagus nerve was cut he also can't move his tongue like the rest of us can, so that affects his speech as well. But today he graduated to being able to drink spoonfuls of water. We all pick up a bottle of water on a regular basis and just drink it down whenever we're thirsty. Imagine not being able to drink anything...how dry would your mouth get? Just thinking about not being able to drink anything would make me feel dry.

We found a new primary care physician and he had his first visit there. It's a woman just around the corner from the house...Dr. McAndrew. She listened to his lungs and said his pnemonia is clearing up nicely. Now that he's feeling a little stronger he can drive himself around, and he's a little more mobile. He's still tired all the time, but he's sleeping better because he's not coughing and spitting all night. He's also cold all the time and constantly has a blanket wrapped around him. I think that's just because he's missing 40 pounds of flesh that used to be there.

I got my money refunded from the $1600 antibiotic. Turns out it wasn't a case of not being covered, it just needed to be precertified (which is a LOT different than "It's not covered, (roll eyes here) do you still want it?" along with a tongue click and hand on the hip from the CVS employees), so Aetna told me if the doctor backdated the pre-cert to last Friday I could go back to CVS and get refunded, which I did. My in-laws had offered to give us the money if I couldn't get it back, but I told them never mind. When the bills for four surgeries and seven weeks in the hospital start pouring in, then we might be having a different conversation. For right now, we're o.k. So the same pharmacist was working in CVS tonight when I went in for the refund and everyone that knows me KNOWS that I said something when I was there. I didn't go into it too deepy here for the sake of time, but she was REALLY a giant snot-rag the other day. I picked up a refill of my crazy meds at the same time, so watch out....here comes crazy chick.

And yes, I'm still all over Jim to use his "food" and take his meds and get enough water into the PEG tube, blah blah blah. And that's exactly the look he gives me...like all I'm saying is "blah, blah, blah". I'm working as hard as I can to keep him alive for everyone. The day he can eat he'll apologize and thank me. Until then I just get abuse. But this Trileptal I'm taking makes it impossible to get upset about anything. I've got good reason to be upset, I've even TRIED to get upset thinking that might release some tension for me, but nope- can't do it. I got another cute e-mail from my step-sister tonight and it had a line in it that is really apropos to what's going on in my house right now: Dear Lord, I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods, because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death. Amen.

In the meantime, he's got some Miele work to do that doesn't involve speaking much so I'm hoping that will help get him out of his rut.

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