Tuesday February 20, 2007 10:23 PM

Before I left for the hospital today I called Jim's surgeon's office. I told them that they're doing a great job with the body, but I think Jim really needs a social worker or a psychiatric consult of some sort because he's so depressed. If the mind is not in the right state then that's only going to make it harder for the body to heal. Of course, why these people don't think about this stuff in the first place is beyond me. I think anyone who's been through major surgery that leaves you debilitated in some fashion should AUTOMATICALLY get a social worker to help them deal with it. And not just a social worker for the patient, but for the family as well. (Of course, everyone knows that I'm beyond the social worker state, though. I'm a full-fledged member of the cookoo club, and I've been for years. "Say it loud...I'm nuts and I'm proud!") I think sometimes they just act like these patients are nothing more than a hunk of raw hamburger sitting in a bed and they just poke you every now and then to see if you're done. It reminds me of the old commercial...."Is it soup yet, Mom?" "No, it's not soup yet." Well, poor Jim is not a pot of soup. So apparently within 10 minutes of my phone call they had sent someone down.

My Mom called me this morning and is all over me to try and get in to see a cardiologist while I'm here, but of course all I hear is "blah blah BLAH blah BLAH...." Since when do I listen to anybody? I'd have to call Deborah Hospital in NJ to try and get a copy of my records, which is a feat in itself because those people don't hear a WORD you say, then I'd have to navigate the massive beaurocracy that is Lahey Clinic, and I think Jim and I will have grandchildren by the time I'd be able to get all that done. Hell, if I haven't had a heart attack yet that process will be sure to GIVE me one.

Oh, by the way....Did I forget to mention that I went to a bar the other night and sang with the band? It was a bar for the middle-aged because I've slowly come to the realization that I AM middle-aged so I fit right in.

So back to Jim. He had written a note for me this morning, so here goes:

"Wow. Today started lousy. Depressed, tired, weak. It could definitely have been better. But Pam came over and showed me all the nice e-mails I've gotten so far. They were all exactly what I needed. Pam really hit a home-run with me on this one. She hit it exactly right on. With all the messages I read, it really lifted my spirits. Then one of the doctors came by to help me get used to eating again. I started doing better than I did the day before. It's going to take a long time. I have no illusion of anything else. I just have to keep up my spirits until this thing is done. Dr. David (I think) and his assistant were just here too. They said I look a lot better, and that with the tumor being SO big that they are surprised I'm doing so good. Another thing I just needed to hear. It's going to be hard to do, but I have to keep positive. No matter what I have to do."

So I'll explain a little here. When I got there he was still down in the dumps. I said, "Have you checked your e-mail? Everyone is e-mailing you." I coaxed him into checking it and brought it up on the screen for him. He half-heartedly puts his glasses on, and we start scrolling though them one by one. By the time we get halfway through, he's crying, them I'm crying, then the nurse walks by and thinks maybe his pain killers have worn off. Let me tell you guys....that was the best thing you could have done for him. I so, so appreciate it. Keep them coming. I can only keep him uplifted so much. It's like when your wife or husband says you look good, and you think, "Yeah yeah yeah....you're biased. You HAVE to say that because you're married to me," but when it comes from a third party you believe it more.

To top it off, right after we were through with that, in comes one of the otolaryngologists (that's eye, ear, nose and throat for those of you who just said, "WHAT?") with a cup of vanilla pudding. I thought Jim was going to tackle her to get that from her hand. The guy is just DYING for some real food. He tells her, "Can't I get a big piece of chocolate cake?" (So he's getting a little sense of humor back). She's come to work with him on learning how to swallow and not inhale. She shows him how to put a small amount in his mouth, then make a short cough to keep the food away from his windpipe, then swallow. Then he has to talk to her so she can hear if he's got any stuck in his throat. After a couple of tries he started to get the hang of it. So she has him alternating between ice chips and pudding. Tomorrow he goes for another swallowing study and we'll see if there's any improvement. They need to make sure he can take in 2000 calories a day on his own before they'll remove the feeding tube. They're still pumping him with steroids all day to try to get everything healed as quickly as possible.

So he finally got his catheter removed, and the strange-looking drain thing hanging out of his neck removed, and his stitches were taken out tonight. There's still about a dozen staples in his neck, the feeding tube, and an i.v., but at least he's down to just a handful of apparatus hanging off him now. He still has to hold onto this suction wand and use it every couple of minutes because he can't swallow his own saliva. But what really sucks now is he has another abcess in his tooth. Can you believe that? It would have been so nice if while they were in there they could have just taken the damn teeth out that started all this in the first place and gotten it over with, but que sera.

A couple of his buddies from high school are planning on driving up here to visit him. Jim started to give me some guff because he really doesn't want anyone to see him like this but I just yelled at him... "These guys are driving 300 miles to come and see you and they don't CARE what you look like. SHUT UP!"

Major thanks to a couple of people here who I won't mention by name because maybe they want to remain anonymous so I won't embarass them: To the person who made the arrangements to get my laundry picked up and washed (because you can only wash your drawers in a Miele), and the person picking them up for me, and the person washing them for me (gee- I really hope there's no skidmarks anywhere- maybe you'll want to wear some rubber gloves) YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST. And to the people who offered to get Jimmy and his parents up here to see Jim and were thinking about Jimmy's upcoming birthday...YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST TOO. Like I said in my e-mail...we love you all, and that's no bull. I've said it over and over again...one of the best things that ever happened in my life was that Thermador closed their Linden office and we all got laid off. Otherwise I would have never been here. Thank you to everyone who's been calling, and e-mailing, and getting me my mail so I can still get something accomplished....THANK YOU ALL!