Today started out like a good day. Jim's parents and Jimmy and were getting ready to get to the the hospital in the mid morning. The kids from Jimmy's school had all made a get well card for him and Jimmy was looking forward to giving it to him. When we got up to his floor, lights were going off and alarms were blaring. Jim was coding. They shuffled us out of the hallway and into a private conference room. Doctors and nurses were running past us full speed ahead. I begged the nurses that came in to tell us what was going on- he was doing so well- WHAT HAPPENED? All they would say is that they're doing their best to save him. Jim's parents were worried and frantic, but I lost it. I proceeded to have a panic attack and laid on the floor, so they took me to the emergency room. I was sure we were going to lose him. Nick, Jim's dad, was great and came down with me while they hooked to up to monitors and gave me an i.v. I felt so sorry for his parents. That's their son and they have as much right as me to be panicked, yet his Dad is coming with me to the emergency room. I kept apologizing. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have held it together but I couldn't. I should have been stronger. I can't lose him. I can't have Jimmy grow up and not know him..." The nurse told me she'd give me something to knock my ass out only if I stopped apologizing.
Nick, Judy, Jimmy and Jim's friends waited down in the surgical waiting room. Nick came to get me after I woke up from my knock-out and we waited. Finally the doctor came in and told us what happened, and that they were taking him back to the ICU. Nick and I went upstairs to Jim's old room to get his things, and they already had the place cleaned out like he didn't exist. They had taken his stuff to the ICU unit already.
Arraparently what happened with that Jim's carotid artety burst and he was bleeding out. They suspect it might be because part of if was weakened during the surgery. Two days prior to surgery he had a carotid artery balloon test where they block off part of the carotid and see if there's enough peripheral blood flow to supply your brain. It's not just the carotid that supplies to brain, but all the branches that come off it. When they did the test they determined that Jim had enough peripheral blood flow to supply his brain in case they needed to do that in surgey; however, during the surgey he had on the 14th they didn't feel the need for it. Well, apparently it had developed a week spot where the tumor had to be cut away and that's what burst. So they rushed him into the emergency room and tied it off. They tried to take a vein from his leg and re-structure it, but the surgeon felt that the stitches werent going to hold.
They wouldn't let us in to see him right away (see post #1 and you'll know why) so we went back to the hotel and got room service and cried. I don't know what I would have done without Nick and Judy there. If I had walked onto that floor and he coded I would have never layed down on the floor, I would have just dropped like a stone.
So in the end Jimmy never got to see him. And neither did his friends. But Nick and Judy and I saw him. And then my parents drove up and saw him as well. Had I not been up here two weeks holding it together myself I might have been able to hold it together more, but I think these two weeks have taken a huge toll on me. I'm pretty sure my parents are staying until Tuesday. My inlaws are afaid to leave me alone now. But we're not sure what to do about Jimmy and school. Maybe I can arrange a leave of absense based on the circumstances and arrange for a tutor. Well, it's too much to think about tonight. I've got to get some sleep for now, but that'll be hard necause Jimmy always kicks me in bed.
Jim can't get your e-mails now because he's in intensive care and he'll be kept asleep for a couple of days. Since they had to re-open his incision we're back to where we started almost as if the last two weeks were wasted. I just want to get this man home and healthy and back to his family and I want our old lives back. But I'm helpless to do it.
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Pam: Good Lord! Got a message from your mom about this blog and my hair is standing on end. Geez Louise. had no idea it was this bad. (Which is what I get from listening to kom and assuming she knows what she is talking about!) I hope Jim is better today and that you are recovering from the shock. Take care of yourself.
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